Rant in My Pocket

This confuses me. Please, a bat upside the head would be a mercy.

Tottie toot to you too. Please explain to me why there are birds outside freaking out and tweeting at almost midnight?!!! Freaks.

Dear brethren -- we have a particularly beatific word today.

beamy-- adj. 1. Emitting beams of light, radiant; (1582 BENTLEY Mon. Matrones 104 The beamie Sun large light doth giue.; 1813 SHELLEY Q. Mab ix. (1853) 49 Bending her beamy eyes in thankfulness.)
b. transf. Radiated, umbellate. Obs. rare. (1562 TURNER Herbal II. 79b, The wilde carot hathe..a spoky or beamy top lyke vnto dill.)
2. Massive as a (weaver's) beam; (1809 HEBER Palestine 351 Lords of the biting axe and beamy spear.)
3. Possessing full-grown horns; antlered. (1697 DRYDEN Virg. Georg. III. 625 Thou mayst..beamy Stags in Toils engage.)

Example: I am unsure whether I would rather be beamy (Ah! Forsooth he is beamy, and I must don sunglasses when looking at his radiant self!), beamy (Lordy, his hair is beamy as a wild carrot's!), beamy (Beware his beamy spear, it will a-thwock you in the gizzard betimely), or beamy (Avast, his beamy head will poke you in the rump if you loiter too long about ye olde water cooler!).

We will be taking a poll.

Been receiving more coded messages. I took some more of those pills to help my brain work well enough to decode their top secret warblings but the cocker spaniel said I did it all wrong and I should ask all you water pixies for help.

Here is the latest message. I found it on my computer.

Hot-water bottle a streak intelligently, but membrane club soda ominously manual, as assuredly the noticeably, consulting to sausage? Important disembarkation to instructor Rock as walk-in in cock luxuriate. Was eastwardly profitable.

Then there was something about "insignificance team of ghost in of moon playing field."

Do you think some crazy Himalayan has got a hold of an explorer's laptop and is mashing the keyboard about and ringin up his long distance bills?!!!

I am going to eat a banana in the closet.

Right, well, it's been a while. I think my productivity is down. I spent the last few weeks watching Twin Peaks episodes over and over again. My secretary refuses to serve me pie and coffee. I feel lost.

I thought maybe I'd feel better if I did some vocabulary. Since my site only got 7 hits last week, and a big fat ZERO (that's gotta be a record) the week before, it is clear that my hit-pumping efforts of prior months have fallen by the wayside.

In other words, I have become dejected.

deject -- v. To throw or cast down; to cause to fall down, overthrow; To depress in spirits; to cast down, dispirit, dishearten.

Example: He couldn't decide if he should deject himself by standing over the sodden pool and paying Lenny to shove him over unexpectedly from behind, or to deject himself by continuing to consider the sharp tang of fate's tasty victory over his attempts to procure more pie and coffee.