Rant in My Pocket

I'm reviving an oldie but goody, from back in the heyday of the Executive Order Blog!

fallal -- n., A useless piece of finery or frippery.

Example: Now you all know what "fallal" means, but some of you will probably have to look up "frippery".

Read it. Live it. Love it. GIVE ME IT!!!

You know, next year I'm going to skip the eggnog left out overnight.

And whoever put the bathpuff/bath salts/rubber ducky pack on my desk for the Secret Santa bit this morning is off their rocker and will get a good hosing for their trouble.

This lady has the right idea. I think I'll hire her for our decorating here at ZU, or at the very least at my pad.

Well I said that eggnog gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling every time I taste it. But warm and fuzzy seems to be shifting over to a barf-a-rama feeling.

Could someone leave a big trash barrel outside my door?

It's days like this that the bathroom seems so very far away.

Mr. Barf

Boy, that was some party. I got locked in the broom closet and it took me three hours to get someone to let me out.

Next time I'm packing a jackhammer with my sausages.

There's some leftover eggnog sitting out in the hallway if anyone wants some, I drank a bunch of it on my way by this morning. It doesn't taste that bad warm.

Eggnog gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling every time I taste it. Maybe I should go fill a bowl of it, put it on my desk, and just stick my tongue in it constantly to keep that Christmas spirit going this week until The Day Itself.

Still can't find my elf shoes.

Mr. F

I was doing some more research on the moon, and after getting done with my coloring book, I decided to get a little more hardcore. On my computer I found another article about the moon.

It says the darnedest things.

"Earth’s moon, for example, is moving away from the planet. Every year, it shifts another inch-and-a-half (4 centimeters) into space. One day, a total eclipse of the Sun will no longer be possible."

Listen, we should probably do something about this. Like get that Bond fellow working on an invention that will strap the moon in place. It would such to not have a moon any more, if it got away from the Earth and wandered off into space. It would make an interesting documentary, though. "Moon Travels" or something placid-sounding like that for those New Age yobbos. Might be a good way to make money if we can't figure out the moon retention device in time.

For those of you who might have claimed I was one, the press has officially declared

Big Boss No Party Pooper

See you on Friday at the party! I'm bringing jumbo sausages.

Signed,
The Boss of All

This doesn't happen often, so I have to gloat a little.

Kevin says, and I quote:
"Do you not understand that an industrial furnace that heats the entire complex is a toy?"

Oh, Kevin, you silly silly guy.

No time for vocabulary today. I've got to go out fishing and try a new technique I saw on Sesame Street.

In order to further my efforts at getting people to look at my blog, I recently mentioned elf sex. Today, to see if I show up on Google, I did a search. My efforts seem to have been unsuccessful thus far. However, I did learn a few things about elf sex.

This information includes a lot of mention about what Tolkien said about elf sex. Now I know that with long hair and a really killer voice, I might have a chance if I ever met any elf chicks. Providing I wasn't too drunk and wasn't busy performing some unspeakable act on a nearby object, animate or otherwise. Which is probably unlikely.

I also found this out, which might be significant to some of you...

stinking -- adj. 1. a. That stinks; offensively smelling.
b. said of an odour.
c. Used as a vague epithet connoting intense disgust and contempt.
d. As an intensifier: ‘offensively’, in stinking drunk, rich (somewhat derog.); also absol. and const. with, having too much (money, etc.).

Examples:
a. I wish someone would empty that stinking trash bucket over by the elevator so I didn't have to break into a run everytime I hit the third floor. It smells like someone dumped a dead goose in there.
b. The stinking aroma of my feet is said to have sent a number of interns running. The bellowing can't have helped.
c. That sinking bastard Lenny had better return my purple necktie or I'm going to have to make a visit down to the Plastics Department myself.
d. I would like to be stinking drunk, but I seem to spend more of my time being stinking rich. Oh wait a minute, it's the other way around.

That's all for today, folks.
Signed,
Big Boss A-Mighty